Phil Spector: Another Famous Creep Walks

Alright, a hung jury in the Phil Spector murder trial. What total FUBAR. I am telling you, it's hard to believe in the justice part of the justice system lately. From the Jena 6 teenagers accused of attempt murder for little more than a serious fight to Phil Spector's lame explanations for a model shot in the face in his home, where is Lady Justice? It just irks me to no end.

This little man is as bizarre as he is crafty, and that's not a compliment. He has a well-documented history of erratic behavior and violence, especially toward women. You've heard all the testimony highlights on TV, but do you know about some of the stranger things he did to his family while married to Ronnie Spector? He insisted the house be kept dark so nobody could see his balding head. He hid all her shoes in hopes of keeping her inside. When that didn't work he locked her in the mansion. He locked his young son in his bedroom with a little pot in the corner for a toilet (by his son's own account). I'm sure glad Ronnie left him in 1972, otherwise she might be six feet under with her head blown half off by now.

He fired a gun during a studio recording with John Lennon. He reportedly made other musicians play their instruments exactly to his specifications while holding a gun to their head. Who does this wing nut think he is? I wish someone would kick his ass and set his hair on fire.

I understand the whole 'beyond a reasonable doubt' concept, the foundation of our justice system. It's well-intentioned, but I truly think that train has left the station. The times, they are a changin'. I don't see how Phil Spector emerging from his home with murder weapon in hand, stating to his driver, "I think I just killed someone", does not go above AND beyond a reasonable doubt. The lunatics have taken over the asylum.

Warren Jeffs' Alter Ego

Warren Jeffs. Where to begin? He is so offensive and absolutely disturbing on so many levels that I feel justified picking on any aspect of him. Besides my utter contempt for the man behind the milk toast face, his physicality irks me as well. I noticed while watching courtroom coverage today how he slides across the floor, so stiff and pale and gangly; someone who looks like they probably spit when they talk and smell bad. I normally don't criticize appearance, but there's something about Warren Jeffs's being that makes my neck prickle.

Aside from the dastardly deeds he's committed with young girls and women, in addition to the injustices he's enacted against young boys and men, beyond the blasphemy against religion he's guilty of, his evil has covered him from the inside out. Even though he's so slight it looks like I could take him down single-handed, he still looks dangerous in a sly and ruthless way.

This funk of his reminds me of an evil character I saw in the movie "Pan's Labyrinth". These are pictures of him. His name was Pale Male and he loved eating little children. Pale Male wasn't outright with his evil; he was manipulative and deceptive first, then extremely cruel. He lured hungry kids with a fabulous feast, stayed calm and still as they explored and then killed them as soon as they were comfortable to eat. This is exactly who Warren Jeffs morphs into when I see him on the news. Besides the physical similarities (clothed and naked, I bet), Jeffs is a puppet master, too. And a heartless one.

With all the prophetizing he's done, I wonder if he's contemplated his own judgement day. He knows he's not the prophet. He's smarter than that. Well, he might not have to wait too much longer to get a sneak peak. Inmates often have special ways to welcome sex offenders into the fold (no pun intended, honest), especially those who have assaulted children. Bye bye, Warren. Watch out for Pale Male.

Disturbing Slang: Side Salads

I went to an Angel's baseball game with a group from work recently. One coworker is related to a team member and thus got to sit in the fancy boxes. Another friend pointed out where his box was. Then he gestured to another private area and said, "That's where the side salads sit". Huh?

Judging by the puzzled look on my face, he explained that 'side salads' are players' mistresses and advised that many of the wives are aware of this and consider it a price to pay for the lavish lifestyles. Well, I don't know about that, but I do have a little something to say about side salads.

First, how unsettling that sports mistresses must be so common as to warrant their own urban slang term. So, what do we call men on the side? Cheese sticks? I apologize; that was crude. But, something tells me we need not dwell on that because I bet there aren't many cheese sticks to speak of. I think this is primarily a male side order.

Second, shame on you side salads. Men are puppies with instinctual reactions to certain female traits and behavior. When I hear of affairs with married men, both parties are guilty, but I blame the woman more. If she turns it off the man will go sniff elsewhere, at least the kind of man inclined to do that. So listen, salads, leave the married men alone. Someone's already ordered that main dish.

I love side salads, particularly with blue cheese. I order them frequently, but I'll never be one.

Trouble

Warning, this post is so far out there it doesn't even register on the outer limits of the UltraJam common sense-o-meter. What's this about Leona Helmsley's will? The Queen of Mean died last week and left $12 million to the dog? The beneficiary, who shall be known as "Trouble" from here on (that really is his name) is apparently quite accustomed to living large. The Maltese wears a diamond collar and designer clothes.

I guess this kind of dog bling needs maintenance money, but for real now, $12 million? That's just obscene. Imagine all the struggling families who could be pulled off the bankruptcy cliff with just fractions of that amount. Ugh. Do the brains of the astronomically rich begin to marinade in fantasy juice after a certain net worth? I just don't understand it.

Others who might feel my pain are a few of Leona's grandchildren who were passed over financially for 'reasons known to them'. Ouch! I do wonder, though, what it was like having a grandmother dubbed, "the meanest woman in history" by Donald Trump. Hey, I respect family dynamics. I'm not in a position to judge from the outside looking in. But still! A dog? To be fair, Helmsley did leave billions to charity. But it still seems whack that two remaining grand kids get $5 million each and the dog barks off with $12 million.

Leona, look down or up depending on where you are and make some sense out of this for us 'little people who pay taxes'. Remember when she allegedly said that? I guess Trouble got a modest amount considering she was worth some $3 billion when she died. All the same, he better watch his back.

Sheep's Clothing

I was enjoying my morning coffee yesterday when (play nails on a chalkboard sound in your mind here) Uber Fiend John Mark Karr's whispery voice floated from the TV. That unmistakable, unsettling sound got me running from the kitchen to the TV, only to catch the last second of the teaser, "Next up, we talk with John Mark Karr!"

CNN, for whatever reason, engaged this slippery perv in yet another meaningless interview. I thought after the repeated uncomfortable pauses with Greta Van Susteren last summer, that was it. But no, a year later, we go again. He sat across from the anchor, so obviously enjoying himself and clearly invigorated by the attention or "fame", as he likely sees it. The interviewer greeted him nicely, thanked him for coming and after a few more pleasantries asked him what exactly he meant by certain statements he made while in custody for the JonBenet murder. "What did you mean when you said her death was an accident?" she asks.

I sigh in frustration. Before I can draw my next breath, Mr. Karr responds in predictable fashion, "Unfortunately, I just cannot discuss the details of certain things. I wish I could, but I just can't." Barf, I say. He always responds this way to questions about the strange and incriminating things he'd so willingly blurted out to media so many months ago, in the center of what I imagine was his finest hour - to him.

Then the journalist does as so many before her, she morphs into a police detective during interrogation. "Did you kill JonBenet Ramsey?" Oh come on, reporters. Come on! Not you too, CNN. Please, stop the insanity. No more John Mark Karr broken record interviews. I just imagine him enjoying these appearances so very much. There is not going to be any on-air admission. There will be no questions answered. There will only be an unpleasant image of a true wolf in sheep's clothing for me to push out of my mind all day long.

Los Angeles ExPat

I've become an expatriate under the definition of someone residing in a culture other than that of their upbringing. Bingo. The latest act in the center ring of immorality circus, Mayor Villaraigosa cheating on his wife for the second (known) time with a Telemundo news anchor assigned to cover the Mayor's post (honestly, no pun intended). Did I mention his wife's battling cancer? Nice.

City Attorney Rocky DelGadillo and wife step up to the ring with their exciting trick, driving for more than a year without auto insurance! His wife has a little more experience under her belt, having been busted twice for driving under a suspended license, once in her husband's city car. Bravo, DelGadillos! It seems a little DelGaHypocritical to jam Paris Hilton for doing something so similar to your own M.O.

Young Hollywood leaving their vajayjay prints on leather seats all over the city and certainly a few major airline carriers. Ghastly. Alcohol wipes are a must have accessory for every Angelino now. All of Hollywood assuming the rest of us are interested in their political views. I'll pass, thanks. Please stars, just stick to making great movies and getting spray tans.

Let's see, Los Angeles is cheating, lying, being reckless behind the wheel, exposing private parts and running at the mouth. L.A. is going through puberty! This is just not my gig. Although I love the beach, eclectic culture and a little bit of edge in my day, I hope the winds of change blow through here soon and bring a little decency to town. Might take a category 4 hurricane at this rate.